So what is truth? Dictionary.com defines truth as:

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sit in the center of a circle of friends....
They number innumerable ...
"Close your eyes my friends, for I ask you a question only I must know the answer to.."
"If you know me, raise your hand."
I see hands go up, some instantly others slower.....
Not one has kept their hand down ...
I shake my head and begin to cry ...
because the truth is that they've known a husk...
An empty role played by 'their friend'...
"Take your hands down... I thank you all, my love for you knows no bounds..."
I put on my smile for the world to see for this role must continue ...

I lay in my bed thinking of who I am ....
But I don't really know ...
Am I good? Am I evil? Do I even care?
Maybe i should ask one of the number who 'knows me' so well...
But what could they say of me?
"He's a nice guy, always ready to help."
"He's ok, real good with computers."
"He graduated with honors ...twice!"
....... Rubbish!
All complete Rubbish!
I'm not a nice guy!
I'm only ok when it comes to computers!
I graduated with honors .... and so what?
None of this afford me any measure of happiness?
Why can't you see that?
I sit here all alone and no one sees how alone I am.
Surrounded by masses and isolated in my head.

So do you know me?
Have you seen me smile and think that there's none happier?
Have you seen me tackle a computer problem without breaking a sweat?
Think that I have the brightest future ahead of me?
HA! The future is no brighter than the past ....
You wonder what is going on in my head now?
Don't bother, concern yourself only about yourself...
I am trapped and there lies little hope for one who does not save oneself...
So once again, I've found myself helping ...
Warning those who pass by while I sink into the mire...
Pay no attention to the sinking man .... sinking boy .... unimportant baby ...
Nothing.

....and the police currently have him in custody for questioning about the assault. Ohayo amigos [that's right, I'm multilingual bitches!]. Here I sit at work and I am actually getting things done, ain't it amazing? Well, this past weekend was nothing spectacular for me. Mostly lazed around the place and made plans of what I am going to do [the sign of a true slacker is to make plans and break em just to feed the laziness]. Let's see what else we can conjure up today shall we?

This morning I am sleeping comfortable in my bed, you know, it's them last couple minutes of sleep that we all treasure and love. And of course, down comes my nephew to wake me up t turn on MY TV so he can watch it while he waits for me to drop him off to school. Now, understand this, I am one grumpy ass when I get woken up. All I ask is that you let me wake on my own. Anyways, in my stupor, I sit up and think, why the hell am I putting up with this shit? I mean, ok it takes the pressure off my mom ....... but where does that pressure go? On me dammit, and I'm tired of that shit being pawned off on me. My mom has 5 kids. I'm the 4th. So the sins of my older siblings are visited upon me and my little sister. So we are fortunate enough to hear things like, "I ain't gonna be taking care of wunna children." So, I reason, if you aren't gonna take care of my kids when I get them, yet you are gonna take care of my older brother's kids right now ..... tell me why I should lift a finger one way or the other? Now I gotta know guys, am I being a selfish asshole about this? I love my mom immensely and most people that know me know that I would do anything for her. But recently, I have found the limits of that devotion. Oh well, I think I have ranted enough about that.

The picture attached is just because I feel like being proud of my body. It ain't great, but it's the only one I got and I love it.

Anyways ppls, Watch The Boodocks on Cartoon Network, Sundays @ 11pm est [that shit is great].

Well hello faithful readers, I bet you are wondering what happened to you lovable writer. Ok so not so lovable ...... and not very much of a writer ...... who am I kidding, you were all glad that I wasn't here. Anyways, I bring you news from the underworld. [I recently cleaned under my bed]. I was asked to tell you that hell is now rejecting applications from those who committed suicide. If you have unfortunately gotten this news too late, there are chairs for you all in purgatory / limbo. Seriously, what good does suicide do? Does anyone realize how very selfish that act is? Not only do you leave your family to mourn the loss, but you don't have any inheritance to give away. And for them to have to find you after you have taken your own life, I mean, most of these people don't even have the common courtesy to clean up their rooms before hanging themselves. That's just damn selfish if you ask me. Oh well, before someone tells me that I am infringing on their right to commit suicide, let me just say right now ...... "Would you like to suck my balls ....... Mr. Garrison?!?"

Next on my agenda is just about the funniest thing I've heard in a while. My sister, God bless her soul, was hanging out with me the other night while I was working. Now if you don't know, I am a computer technician and I usually work remotely from home in the evening. Anyways, usually while I'm working in the evening, I sometimes take a nap and my sister had the pleasure of witnessing this. So I do my work, take my nap, wake up and continue ..... and my sister goes ... "Dude, I swear you are borderline Narcoleptic[spell check]. I was talking to you and mid-sentence you started snoring." Now anyone that really knows me, knows that I can fall asleep in the worst of situations. Car accident? Snore. Police brutality? Snore. Consoling a possible suicide? Out like a frickin' light!! But I never considered that I may be even slightly Narcoleptic ...... but my biggest question ...... does that make me retarded?

Lastly my friends, this one also includes my sister. Now for the past 2 years, my mom and sister have developed this cute little skit where, my sister pisses my mom off and my mom puts her out. Anyways, I had an epiphany the other night between their skits. These two women are the reincarnation of Fred Flintstone and his cat. No matter how often Fred puts the cat out of the house, it always gets back in. All I'm waiting for now is for the cat to put Fred out. Now that would be a moment for the books.

Thanks for listening to my rant guys, you all get something special for Kwaanza [I should be ashamed of myself, I am not sure of te spelling ...... on second thought, I've done worse.] Til the cows come home guys. Moo!

I really don't know what to say today. I just know that I need a good rant about anything. Jeez, I was about to use the word poppycock [incorrectly I might add]. Ever notice how many times people use the wrong word to describe what they want to? I like to refer to it as the 'Old People Syndrome'. Why, you may ask, would I give it this name? Because the older folk seem to be the biggest culprits [well them and toddlers, but they are excused until after the can stop wetting their beds]. For example, I remember when I was younger, I had a NES [that’s Nintendo entertainment system for those poor, uninitiated saps who had no childhood], and whenever I would go to hook it up to the one TV in the house, my aunt's boyfriend would start ranting about us constantly playing the 'Lintenduh'. WTF mate? when was that one invented? Not to mention the horrible mistakes that are made when it comes to computers and the internet, good God someone get these people a translator quick. Honestly, things like upload and download, newsflash, they aren't interchangeable.
Now that that is out of the way, I can continue to talk more nonsense now I believe. I recently bought the game World of Warcraft [you can tell from the bags that have taken up residence under my eyes]. I've become quite addicted to the game. I made a warrior, always a good choice for your first character in any RPG because they are easy to use and train. I've had it now for about ......... 6 days or so, I’m level 13 I think. Oh well, enough bout my obsession with that game.
Oh and everybody should watch the Family guy movie, that shit is awesome, I down .... ummmmmm I mean purchased it from a reputable business and have receipts and everything. I don't know how they do it, but it's possible that that is one of the best pieces of work I've seen in a while. [it has in cussing and everything].
Oh well, enough about my life of debauchery [yet another example of using the wrong words LOL]. Til I can't do without you guys anymore ......... I'll be seeing you ........ and yes I do mean seeing you ...... that was me outside your window last night ........ I got pictures of you ........ you really ought not do that to yourself, you'll go blind. One!

Hello all you ppl out there in Internetworld ...... I know most of you probably miss me by now, but trust me, I'm not worth it. Just do what I am doing and enjoy yourself. On this vacation, I am gettin away from everything that I can, which includes my email addresses, so if you sent me something, don't expect a reply until I get back to the US. This vacation has given me some extra focus in my life, believe it or not, and I think that this is a beautiful thing.

All in all it was a great trip.

Hello class. In today's lesson, we will speak about "Man". Now when I say "Man", I don't mean humans, I mean the male species. To be more precise, I will speak on how the male species learns the so called dog like behavior that is so often attributed to them.

Firstly, it doesn't just appear overnight, it is a learned behavior, but who do we learn it from? [You will notice I say we because I am not above any of this]. Most men learn it from their friends ........ and from the romanticized TV heroes that we all love so much. Every boy learns one thing at a young age. Girls love a bad boy. The guy that does all the dangerous shit is the guy who usually has 10 girls on a line waiting for him. So what does that mean? Simply, women hate a dog, but they are the ones who train the dogs. Now that doesn't mean you are all evil and conniving, and that doesn't mean that men are blameless. We have all simply landed ourselves into a quandary. Most men grow up wanting to be "good". Turn into good husbands, good fathers, and even better grandfathers, but somewhere along the line we get sidetracked by that which we have learnt is the measure of a man. A woman.

Personally, I have come to terms with this whole concept. As Dave Chapelle said, "A woman's test in life is material. A man's test in life is a woman." Truer words will never be spoken. But so many men are failing the test now because they are taking too many tests at the same time. Fine, monogamy isn't the best thing since sliced bread, but everything in moderation. I know myself well enough to know that I am not mentally stable enough to handle more than one relationship at a time. It takes too much energy to keep a relationship in the green for someone to attempt to double, or triple their own work load. The only way that men handle the 10 women they have is by either being emotionally unavailable or by rationing his heart out. It doesn't work people.

Back to my brothers. We need to stop allowing ourselves to be sheep and take our places as men. Not with force or with malice, but with maturity and understanding. We need to let everyone know that men aren't just big children. We are a force of nature, of God himself. We have the power to not only rise up and ween ourselves into men, but to allow for the women to see that we know better and can do better. And although science has proven that we think about sex every five seconds, it doesn't have to be a ruling force in our lives. We are bigger and better than that. And it is when we finally realize the power that we have inherited that we will be able to take the next step into the future. Not technologically, but as a people. We can know that as women have evolved over the past however many years ..... we too have evolved into something worthy of praise.

 

This is how I feel, feel free to comment.

I just looked at my blog and realized that I have committed a heinous crime. I have not posted anything since last month. Oh shame shame! I offer my left nut as retribution .......... on second thought, none of y'all prolly don't give a shit anyways. On to our story.

I've been brain storming about several things over this past month ....... a couple of them are actually non sexual, like 2 or 3.

Firstly, marriage. Ah yes, the blissful wedded bliss that is marriage ......... I remember dreaming about this shit. Wedding on the beach. All I require is that the priest/pastor/reverend what have you, gets to the 'you may kiss the bride part' at sunset. Yup, that’s all I wanted and while marriage still does seem to be a wonderful thing, but wonderful when I know for a fact that I am ready. My life is riddled with men who took that step a little too early. And where are they now? Suffice it to say, divorces all around. I don't want to be divorced at 28 ...... or 30 ...... or ever for that matter. One of us has to die for the other to be single. That being said, I am going to enjoy the single unattached life for as long as I can, and when I choose marriage believe that it will be with someone that knows me well enough to shout at me when I'm doing shit. Of course, this does not stop me from having the now and again fantasy of eloping and making a whole new life for me and a wife of my choosing, but a fantasy can't be sustained for a lifetime.

Secondly, I have always believed that the human existence is destined to be a miserable one. Life is a series of miserable events punctuated by happy events so that we get thrown off our game and get lazy. For those of you who disagree I challenge you to disprove this. Life can have its great moments, but the miserable ones always stay with us longer.

Anyways, I ate lunch and now I need my midday nap. So catch u guys later. One.

Our Greatest Fear
Marianne Williamson from her book A Return to Love

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

 

This is what was posed to be here, I know I'm an idiot. Was watchin the movie Coach Carter and heard it in part, it touched me.

In my previous post, "LIES", I made some statements about my high school experiences. I realize now that I only highlighted my bad experiences and not any of my good .......... who gives a shit right? But seriously, it wasn't ALL bad. Third form was kinda decent, three guys in a class with 27 girls........... and I still couldn't get a girlfriend [L to the O to the SER]. And by 4th form I finally figured out that I should buy my own pants rather than let someone else buy ‘em for me ..... too bad I bought the wrong ones and got sent home for it. And there was romance, yes, it was beautiful ......... but it's also nun a wunna bidniss [translation for my noncaribbean friends: MYOB].
God, all this remembering the good stuff has me feeling weird, I could almost smile about Foundation........ moment gone. Yes, so while the good days were present, the are completely overrun by the excessive teasing, laughing, crying, pointing, smirks behind my back, and general assholery. SO, to all those who had something negative to say about me, do it behind my back, please .......... so I can drop trow and show you how much I really care